 |
| Que es eso? Yo no se. |
TONS OF SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW
I don't even know where to begin with what the hell this is. It was just 2 and a half hours of "whatisthisidonteven." Not in a bad way, no...but not in an enchanting way, either. Let me just start by saying that Biutiful is a good film. It's direction from Alejandro González Iñárritu was actually fantastic, as well as the performance from Javier Bardem. I can see where Bardem deserved the Oscar nomination. There was almost no problem to be seen with the way this film was done; it just had a random, weird, depressing story that could not be saved by the Justice League, Chuck Norris, or one of those Pokemon that speaks in full sentences. That's why I don't think it deserved an Oscar nomination for Best Foreign Film. It was just a collection of maudlin subplots. Don't believe me? Well, here we go.
Bardem plays Uxbal, a caring father in Barcelona who can speak to the dead. Not that it really matters, since the film only explores that cute little talent of his once or twice. It's really quite irrelevant. He illegally finds work for immigrants (in other words, exploits them), trying to make end's meet, while the Chinese immigrants he capitalizes off of live in a sweatshop basement and spend their days sewing knockoff purses dealing with the abuse of their overlords. Did I mention the overlords are gay Asian businessmen whose romantic subplot serves no purpose in the film because it never develops? Yeah. There was a whole introduction into that romance, and then it turned into absolutely nothing. What is the purpose in creating a love interest for a seemingly useless secondary character if you are not going to follow through on it's development through the story or even give the audience any kind of backstory for it? You're just going to leave everything about these characters in suspension until you get to your 120 page mark. That's lazy writing, my friend. Lazy writing. Anyway, the overlords decide to use the immigrants for construction instead of sewing. They make this business decision as one of them smokes by the window in a blue Speedo. I kid you not.
I'm sure you're saying "But there can't be any more random stories in this film, right?" Oh, it's only begun. We're introduced to Uxbal's wife, Maramba, a bipolar woman with a drug habit (that was never explained other than a reference to a relapse). She also walks on fat men while wearing nothing but a thong. Only in Europe. Anyway, Uxbal is separated from Maramba because her desire to "have fun" makes her a transient parent. She is selfish, irresponsible, and even abusive, but Uxbal constantly leaves the children, Ana and Mateo, in her care. The fun part where he realizes why that was a bad idea comes later. But before that, Uxbal is told that he has terminal prostate cancer, which has spread to his bones and his liver. I think that this is supposed to be the main plot in this gooey mess of a story. And yet, it still doesn't feel like there was enough focus on that, except for the many shots of him urinating blood and grimacing.
But, wait! There's still more. Uxbal chases a black man getting arrested, who I assume is either one of his friends or one of the immigrants he helps, which results in him getting arrested. I don't know why he chased him. The point of that was never really explained. I just accepted it for what it was because I'll be damned if this movie has any rhyme or reason to it. Anyway, the black guy that we didn't even know gets deported, Uxbal asks his wife to watch the kids blah blah blah. MOST POINTLESS SEQUENCE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Why not just do a montage of him trying on hats while Cyndi Lauper songs play in the background? That would have been just as meaningful to the plot, but more fun to watch.
It's still not over. Uxbal goes with his older brother (the fat guy being stomped on by his wife) to find out his dad, who he has never met, has died and they get his body shipped to Spain from Mexico. Yet another entirely pointless subplot.
The last plot to be introduced is the basement of immigrants dying because Uxbal bought them cheap heaters that poisoned them. They later wash up on the beach, which is thoroughly disturbing and unnecessary.
Speaking of disturbing and unnecessary, the Asian business men are found out for their unethical sweatshop, so Uxbal goes to a club where people have nipples painted on their posterior regions. I am not joking. It goes from Uxbal telling Maramba to leave with the kids because they've been found out, it's a few minutes of out-of-tune bass music then it's ass nipples out of nowhere. I think that will haunt my nightmares until the end of my days. Who even comes up with something that abominable? And who just springs something like that on the audience with no prior warning? SATAN. Anyway, he has a pointless conversation with his brother in there. The only reason I say pointless is not because it doesn't have artistic value, it's just that it doesn't get the story anywhere. Or at least one of the stories.
As a matter of fact, if there is any consistent element to this film, it's people pissing themselves. It could be turned into a lethal drinking game. I'm serious. Every time his kid wets the bed or he wets himself, take a shot. You will become so intoxicated that this movie will make perfect sense. And then you'll see a tunnel of light and all your dead pets rushing towards you. That's the kind of intensity this film produces.
So remember me mentioning that Uxbal figures out that his bipolar, drug addict, prostitute wife is not an effective caretaker for the children? It all happens when he comes back from that disturbing club that will forever destroy my happy, child-like demeanor. He asked Maramba to take the kids on a vacation they had planned prior without him, because that's apparently the responsible thing to do in his universe. He comes back to find his child Mateo home alone with bruises on his face. His mother beat him and left him there because she believes he is verbally abusive. I've got to admit, this is one of the better quality sequences of the film. It propelled the story further, pushing the limits of Uxbal's sternness with Maramba's mania. He finally leaves her and takes the kids. I really wish the rest of the movie just stuck to Uxbal's struggle with his family. There was so much to work with, and so much was ignored.
Uxbal takes the children back home, where Ige lives now. I don't know who that is either, but she was the deported guy's wife, so she must mean...something, even though we didn't know the deported guy that well.
From there, the film tries to tie all the loose ends and make it complete in some way. I'm not even going to tell you about the ending. It's really not worth mentioning.
Consensus? While the performances and cinematography are good, it does not change the fact that the story bashes out in a million directions. It's so soggy with emotion and artistry, nothing substantial is left. This is one of those movies that makes me question why I bother to watch movies at all. It's emotionally exhausting and far from entertaining. It's not even really that thought-provoking. It didn't make me concerned about human condition. It made me want to avoid Spain.
Watch Biutiful if you're just looking for pure drama, and nothing else.
As a matter of fact, if there is any consistent element to this film, it's people pissing themselves. It could be turned into a lethal drinking game. I'm serious. Every time his kid wets the bed or he wets himself, take a shot. You will become so intoxicated that this movie will make perfect sense. And then you'll see a tunnel of light and all your dead pets rushing towards you. That's the kind of intensity this film produces.
So remember me mentioning that Uxbal figures out that his bipolar, drug addict, prostitute wife is not an effective caretaker for the children? It all happens when he comes back from that disturbing club that will forever destroy my happy, child-like demeanor. He asked Maramba to take the kids on a vacation they had planned prior without him, because that's apparently the responsible thing to do in his universe. He comes back to find his child Mateo home alone with bruises on his face. His mother beat him and left him there because she believes he is verbally abusive. I've got to admit, this is one of the better quality sequences of the film. It propelled the story further, pushing the limits of Uxbal's sternness with Maramba's mania. He finally leaves her and takes the kids. I really wish the rest of the movie just stuck to Uxbal's struggle with his family. There was so much to work with, and so much was ignored.
Uxbal takes the children back home, where Ige lives now. I don't know who that is either, but she was the deported guy's wife, so she must mean...something, even though we didn't know the deported guy that well.
From there, the film tries to tie all the loose ends and make it complete in some way. I'm not even going to tell you about the ending. It's really not worth mentioning.
Consensus? While the performances and cinematography are good, it does not change the fact that the story bashes out in a million directions. It's so soggy with emotion and artistry, nothing substantial is left. This is one of those movies that makes me question why I bother to watch movies at all. It's emotionally exhausting and far from entertaining. It's not even really that thought-provoking. It didn't make me concerned about human condition. It made me want to avoid Spain.
Watch Biutiful if you're just looking for pure drama, and nothing else.
