30 Things I Must Avoid to Be Immortal (or Must Do to Be Awesome)

Rough draft. LOL.

     

        Hey there, y'all! Or you guys. Or amigos. I got around to thinking today and I realized that I can't live forever. Luckily, I have looked for a loophole that might just grant me immortality. I made a list of things that I must do before I die. If I don't finish all these things, I can't die. At least, I think that's how it goes. Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE enumerated lists, as you will realize from looking at this blog for five seconds. Here goes nothing!

BUCKET LIST

1. Gator wrasslin'
2. Shave a polar bear
3. Get a jet pack
4. Establish government in Antarctica
5. Legally change my name to "Shaq Attack"
6. Have an argument with Tom Hanks about the plural form of "moose"
7. Get a pet amoeba named "Shaq Attack, Jr."
8. Key Tom Hanks's car
9. Rip out someone's weave in a SubWay parking lot
10. Meet someone with a weave
11. Overcome my fear of Muppets
12. Invent parking meters for houses and become obscenely wealthy
13. Swim in a pool of lava
14. Throw watermelons at people
15. Become the patron saint of Missouri
16. Erase the words "glean," "tawdry," and "eschew" from the dictionary. They are the most annoying words on this earth.
17. Throw darks at a picture of someone I want revenge against
18. Beat up the ShamWow guy
19. Become a fishwife
20. What's a fishwife?
21. Jump into a bullfighting ring and start yelling, "Come at me, bro!"
22. Get elected as the King of Spain
23. Build a house out of moose antlers
24. Loudly referee a game of chess
25. Hatch a platypus egg with my mind
26. Conquer Portugal (see #22)
27. Fall in love. Just kidding. I want the world's largest Oreo pizza. With 2 liters of Pepsi. In under 30 minutes. Or it's free.
28. Catch as salmon right out of the river with my bare hands
29. Go back in time and make George W. Bush be born in Cuba. And stay there.
30. Furiously knock things off a desk with one swipe and re-watch it in slow motion. While I'm dressed like Kanye West.

      Anyone else have a bucket list they wanna share?